Paying Attention

Paying attention

Envision this… you are sitting at your dinner table in the evening and your spouse and all of your kids with the exception of the toddler have their focus on either a phone or a notebook (IPAD or other).  You look around at each of them and only see light reflected from the screen onto their faces.  There are furtive stabs at the green beans, but the real focus is on who is dating whom, where the party is that weekend… some of the latest gossip.  You glance at your spouse and she is texting her mom or siblings about plans for the next family dinner- even though you don’t want to go to it because it’s at your mother-in-law’s lair.   You sigh and wonder how we got to this place, the divided attention.

Now you are at church and you see the people on the row above you either texting on their phone most of the service, doing finances, starting or planning their lesson, writing letters- or eating waffles.  Full disclosure, when my kids were about 10 or 11 years old I decided that I wanted to bring little baggies of cheerios and fruit loops to the services, just so I could snack on them too… I thought…well just because- my wife scorned me of course.  Yes I’m kind of like that.

Does this matter at all, it’s not like we as a family don’t talk, like in the hall as your kids pass by with a piece of toast in their hand that is the substitute for breakfast.  Evenings are worse, your busy, they are busy, even the little toe-head blond kid is busy- he has TV/Movies to watch (as the company babysitter).  I heard one time (could be apocryphal in reality).  A church leader kept in his pocket a plug of chewing tobacco, even though he had quit years before- it was a reminder to him.  He would pull it out, look at it and talk to it, asking if it was in charge or if he was in charge.  We could do the same thing, we could pull out the phone and talk to it, asking if it is in charge or if you are in charge.

What does this divided attention get us?  Do you remember when your little ones were really little and they wanted your attention and you weren’t giving it to them –whether it was divided by the TV or reading a magazine.  The little one, with no malice, would grab your fat little face in his chubby little hands and pull you in so that your eyes met- he then knew that you were paying attention to him.   Because your eyes met his- the windows to the soul.  I was reminded of that recently in a very real way, to make contact.  If your attention is elsewhere and your eyes are drifted or lost or otherwise out of the arena of where you are or where you want them to be then you aren’t paying attention are you.

I know you are busy and this text is really important, because… who knew that Chad liked Crystal… or that your sister wants you to bring craft paper to the family dinner… well for no reason.   I have always liked the phrase, “wherever you are, be there.”  You never know what you might miss or what minor tender blessing is just playing out before your eyes and you would have missed it.   Life is so subtle.  I used to fly fish quite a bit years ago and would just watch the water and the banks on a stream or creek, while sitting on a rock before starting to fish- catching fish is fun and all and it’s good to get away into nature, but it’s all those small things that are really important that make the event important.  This time was to tune myself to the happenings that were happening.  It’s not just water rolling over rocks and trees swaying in the breeze, there is life above and below the surface of the water it’s happening 24/7–there is an entire universe at your fingertips.  All we need to do is to “pay attention”.

What to do then, check the phone in at the door (everyone), no phones at the dinner table, look each other in the eyes, talk to each other in meaningful ways- that’s a start.  Go fishing more, eat more cheerios in church, pay attention to the speaker, you might learn something.  Be where you are at, you might bless someone else’s life in a meaningful way that day, if you meet others with your eyes.  Who is in charge, you might ask, you or the…..event, the situation, the time, the child, the parent, the school etc…?  Be where you are at.