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I don’t know how scientific this will be other than observation- ok so it’s not scientific at all.  But it is observable; once you start looking for it- correlation is causation to be sure, conformational bias and all that.

We went to Miami January 2018 and while there a group of parents with 2-3 year olds in strollers were pushed by us on the side walk- we were close to the beach and it was a warm beautiful dusk or early evening night.   Each child had in their hands a tablet or phone watching something, swiping at something or on a game.  They were swiping right and left, up and down getting an electron kibble.  Just like little Pavlov dogs; ringing the bell, getting a mental “fix” in- such an early age to be electronically entertained.  Why not, it keeps them from whining right?  Full parental support to be sure, because it was easier to have that 4 inch babysitter while they wandered with all that could be seen.  My wife and I just observed and commented later that it was a sad thing to see.   Here it was a beautiful night, lots to see around them, which wasn’t seen on a screen, lots to experience and yet here they were in an alternate reality.

Don’t get me wrong, as I look back in my parenting choices, we might have had “mandatory TV time” to be sure—I mean is there anything a TV can’t do, my oldest son learned to count coins with Mario and Luigi for heaven’s sake.  We/my wife would sit the kids down in front of the Boob-Tube—the TV if you are unfamiliar with the vernacular and let it do the entertaining for us… for a break, for an excuse, for any number of reasons—now look at our kids- look at how they turned out, ….ehhhh.  Ok maybe that’s their issue.  Just kidding, they did alright but they didn’t have the access to the small and large screens as they do now.  I would have stopped it for sure.  The future I’m afraid might be less forgiving.

Fast forward, look at all the kids, teenagers, toddlers, and adults who have access to some screen in their hand- who is in control, you or the screen, who is the master and who is the slave.  See how we are so willingly trade our time, our freedom for electron movement and yet we miss out on so much if we were to just look up- look what surrounds us.  Next time you are in a busy place, just look around and see how many people are huddled over their screens- who around you is looking up?  Not many I’m afraid, as I have done this exact thing.  Does anyone strike up a conversation with their neighbor anymore, do the youth know how to do this?  Does anyone have eye contact any longer?

In August 2016 my wife and I were in Salt Lake and we went out to dinner and visited Temple Square for our anniversary.  We walked the Temple grounds and this was the time where the PokyMon craze of catching some ethereal monster was all the rage.  Just writing it makes me see how ridiculous that actually sounds.  Here were 100’s of people in the evening on their phones looking for some “monster” and yet they were on Temple square or the grounds surrounding it.  This is a place of magnificent beauty, the grounds, the flowers, the buildings and everything is pointing toward eternity and here they were looking down and focused on something so absolutely “unreal” it’s astounding how that it’s even possible.   They were actively selling their birth right for a mess of pottage.

At Church we sat two rows behind a young family that had a 12 year old boy and maybe a 6 or 7 year old boy.  Each had a screen in their paws- gotta catch’m all.   Then the mom tries to take the phone away from the 7 year old that he is playing on.  The look on his face was telling.  By his action he told his mom… “No mom”, with an exclamation point.  He was prancing up and down like he was completely out of control – I would say he was addicted.  He pouted, he bawled and “he won”, he got the phone back, he won, the parents lost and I’m sure this isn’t or wasn’t the first time either.   He learned that if you pout, bawl, cry you get your way… who is the master and who is the slave.

I have never seen drug use withdrawal or addiction to drugs in general, but what I saw was “addiction” and how the parents were and are, kicking the can down the road, because the issue isn’t going to get any better… that screen time will only get worse, it probably is worse in the home as he knows how to “negotiate” and get the things he wants in a more comfortable environment, just like all kids do.  But who were the parent again- I didn’t see one that day.

If you were to ask the parent and she was willing to listen, and you could say—“If that behavior was as a result of drug use would you allow and give the “meth” hit because they ‘wanted’ it, just so the kids doesn’t cry, bawl, pout, would you give it to them”.  Of course they wouldn’t- that would be irresponsible.

Like I said, it’s kicking the can down the road.  I’m sure there are mitigating circumstances, there are unknowns and this might have been the best solution because the child has behavior issues and so on.  But regardless of all the “excuses” the results show that giving that screen certainly won’t help, no matter how disturbed, sick or well the child is.  It’s training the brain, its training behavior, it’s training his/her future- I know that sounds a bit heavy, could there be a better way to address the limited time to be on screens- of course there is.

So now what, what to do? What are you going to do? You and I see this almost every day.  So when you sit behind that family (or maybe you are that family) or you see the stroller going down the street, or you watch kids playing on a screen when they are camping and missing out in all that surrounds them….maybe you will think twice and leave the screen at home or control it better and not be the slave.   Are you going to be the tougher parent even though it might be disruptive or uncomfortable- in the short term and are you yourself going to tough on yourself too?  Time will tell I suppose. 

I wonder why…. more now than ever.  Why is that, what is that, how does that, where… and it goes on, seemingly forever.  I then wonder why do I wonder why?

I watched this toddler in front of me in church, I wondered who she is?  I know who she is (she has a name) but I don’t know anything about her, she doesn’t know anything about herself either- it seems that she is a lump of clay, so to speak, to her parents; a seed that will sprout and grow and mature and then fulfill some measure of her creation.  But that goes painfully slow in my reference of time.  I will more than likely not witness a significant portion of any of that.  I may see her for the next few years and then, the family could move or they may choose to move to a different pew and then I may forget about her.  I may forget temporarily but just because I do, doesn’t negate the fact that she still will grow, she still will sprout and she will become somebody… important, not important, famous… more than likely not in the worlds view.  Influential?  I guess that would depend on what you think is influential and your frame of measurement—but she will “be” for some period of time.   Daughter, friend, wife, mother- chances eventually are likely for all of these and this will happen without my understanding and hidden from my view or even influence.  It could be another nameless person that is traveling a path parallel to mine and because of local circumstances and at certain instances there will be an intersection or two of interaction—small, large or just location, who is to say.

I see these same things when I go to the airport and see people scurrying from gate to gate and I don’t know any of them… who are they, where do they live, what do they do, how come there are so many of them.  I watch them and then I don’t, I don’t visualize their specific faces or understand anything about them… but they still are and they will be until they are not at some point.  All of this will happen without my knowledge or understanding.  It just happens and I don’t know too much about it.

I watched a bug crawl on the concrete the other day, it’s an ugly looking thing, unless you are the mother bug.  I look down and watch it and wonder, why are you here, what do you do.  What is your function?  What makes you tick?  I just focus on the one ugly bug down at my feet and don’t notice the dozen or so just around the corner that scurry from their corner to live out their short lives… what are you.  It doesn’t recognize me or think of me, other than my foot as an obstacle to get to the pear core that is by my foot.  And then I wonder why again.

I wonder why, because it is astounding.  I wonder why because of all the people in the world, I am one of them and most do not know me and I surely do not know them…. but somebody does and it’s incomprehensible to me that someone can know them all (times billions and more).  How is that done? I more than likely I will never know how, other than it is and I need to be satisfied with the answer for now. 

He knows about each of those ugly bugs and everything in-between- all the beautiful; the simple and the grand, the details and path of each, the potential and of pain, the successes and the failures, the long well lived and the short seeming wasted lives.  The Great Creator knows why.  He may look at my path, at times, and think to himself how those paths resemble that poor little ugly bug and think to himself why indeed?

I bet you didn’t know.

I’m reasonably certain that most kids know very little about their parents… most just assumed that they were born as adults and never were kids.  This goes without saying that it includes me too, however, the difference is I know that my parents were “born as adults” and never were kids.

Of course this means that they weren’t certain of their lives at all points in them; they struggled to “figure is out” and even made mistakes… both large and small.  Which also means that they didn’t listen to adults at the time and figured the adults wouldn’t understand their dilemma.   And so the cycle goes.

I have seen the gambit of overly intrusive, helicopter parenting, to the complete abdication of parental responsibilities- and just letting the kids figure it out.  I’m kind of in the middle, ok maybe more the helicopter to be honest.  In 7^th or 8^th grade I took one of those standardized tests that was supposed to help kids know a certain direction in their lives, what they expressed interest in and what maybe they were good at.  At the time I had an interest in being a veterinarian because I had a dog and I liked my dog and therefore would make a good vet.   You get the point.  Do you know what the results were?   I was destined to be a good garbage man or a baker and to rethink my aspirations of being a veterinarian, by my test scores- that is exactly what the results told me, it wasn’t just hyperbole.  At that age I was an average kid with average grades and didn’t know how to derive DNA from a fruit fly in science class– I couldn’t even spell DNA. 

In 7th or 8^th grade, how many kids know anything about anything?  How many kids at that age have a good mechanical aptitude or whatever- “so what engine did you work on this weekend, Johnny?”  We are all in the learning curve all the time and I have wondered what harm those tests did- dashing dreams because you don’t have the skills right then to do the thing you want to do right then.  I would be interested to have a follow up study to those studies to show the predictions in 8^th grade based on data and then reference the actual to what you are today.

Do my kids know that while growing up we had a canal in front of our house which was like the summer swimming pool.  We would devise bike jumps and launch ourselves from the earthen ramp at extremely high rates of bicycle speeds into the raging torrent of the canal (in reality it was maybe 4 feet deep and was as placid as a blood hounds eyelids).   Now a days they have government entities’ that tell all the scared little children and mothers to never look at a canal in the face or you will drown on the spot.  Oh by the way the bike we would launch our bodies into the water had no seat and we crossed a main road to get there—as if the canal wasn’t dangerous in and of itself.   Now would I do that now, (ok, maybe) but that was part of our growing up and we didn’t ascribe death around every corner—that was the duty of the parent for the most part, if they were paying attention to the 12 children that they had- figuring they had a certain acceptable loss ratio if they lost a kid or two.

Don’t think that we were smart either- we were just lucky and kids despite some of the silly risks we took, making it out in one piece most of the time.  Now there was more than one occasion that we were “truly stupid” to be sure.  Like the time we built a fort inside of the straw stack or haystack and used candles as our light source inside of the fort.  Ok that truly was dumb… but again we made it out in one piece.   I honestly don’t think my parents ever knew about that one or the neighbors either—which by the way was in their barn and in their haystack.   We could have burned down the place and we could have been fried chicken as well.  Just seemed like a good idea at the time.

There are tons of those stories floating around: stories of adventure, make believe, and missing the birthday movie party that was going to see “Gus” because I got there late.  There are stories of triumph, like my interception at an Optimist Football game—I was a hero.   There was the loss of my dog and heartbreak because Diane didn’t like me but liked Derrick instead- I have never spoke to him sinceJ.   There were cousin parties, sleepovers and high adventures in the wilderness.  There was my first deer, my dream of being a mountain man.   There was my first sad little car.  There were classes that I loved and classes that I hated and how I just about flunked out of Spanish.  There are more, it just depends on how long you want to listen and maybe ask questions to those you call parents.

How much do you know about your parents?  I bet you didn’t know…